Pro-Panties

Get out the hand-lotion, fanboys, for this ass-tastic entry will consist of panties, thongs and/or the lack thereof.
So I was at work yesterday, fending off the world's most massively invasive wedgie ever, when I started considering switching to thongs. I'm a dyed-in-the-wool granny-pantier, because that's the way I like it and there ain't nothing wrong with swathing my ass in Fruit of the Loom 100% cotton. People are always telling me that thongs are comfortable because there is no material to get wadded up, as with my bikini-cut underthings. But there is still the invasiveness. Wadded or not, that is a foreign object creeping up my backside in a frenzied attempt at recon with my colon.
Another pro-thong statement I've heard is "No VPL! Yay!"
Why do people want to hide the fact that they wear underwear? The tell-tale lines where my panties and butt end and my legs begin are hardly something I feel ashamed of. If the skirts and pants you are wearing are A) too tight, B) too short, or C) too see-through to allow you to wear whatever underoos you please, there are larger issues to face here. "VPL ruins the flattering line of your clothing!" No honey, your ripply stucco-butt ruins the *flattering* line of your clothing. If your tube-top masquerading as a miniskirt is tight enough for us to see the cellulite encroaching upon your ass cheeks, and your sphincter is offering to reveal itself completely at any moment...wearing a thong hardly makes it better. Why not just go without any underwear? Because only complete whores don't wear anything under their skirts? Given that I've shot down any possible argument in favour of thongs, they seem to me just a useless fad with a couple of half-assed (you'll excuse the pun) supporting arguments.
The so-called 'granny panties' seem to have garnered an unfair reputation as being unsexy because there is no willful butt-flossing involved. Look. Let's compare thongs to tooth floss, so long as the term butt floss has surfaced. Flossing your teeth is good for you, yes. And yes, it is easier and more comfortable to floss your teeth with a thin thread than with a sheet of fabric. But that doesn't change the fact that the floss still snaps against my gums and makes them bleed from time to time. Now given that comparison, I really am in no hurry ot see if butt floss has a similar effect. Anal bleeding is really not a thing to toy with. My panties are sexy, and I chose tasteful clothing that covers my ass and is loose enough to allow free movement while not tripping me up. I've heard no complaints so far that my choice of underwear makes me a total stuck-in-the-past loser. You know why? Because, deep down inside, no one really gives a shit what kind of underwear you prefer, in spite of the myriad "Boxer/brief" questions asked on those e-mail surveys "Things You Never Knew About Your Friends!" Things, perhaps, which are irrelevant and repetetive? And why, oh why, does the boxers/briefs question appear in the girls only section? Wouldn't it make more sense to ask a guy what HE prefers? But no, it's what do guys want girls to be like and what do girls want the boys to be like? Why not ask them questions pertaining to their own gender, as one would assume they know more about it?
Wrong: Hey boys! Do you prefer long or short hair on a girl?
Right: Hey girls! Do you like to wear your hair long or short?
Wrong: Hey Boys! Do you like sweet, shy girls, or a ballsy girl who asks you out and makes the first move?
Right: Hey Girls! Are you shy or ballsy?
Wrong: Hey Girls! Do you prefer boxers or breifs on a guy?
Right: Hey Girls! Do you even give a rat's ass what a guy wraps his ass-hole in? Y'know, the place where poop comes out?

Survey Says: Nope.

Thongs, the fascination with thongs, and internet surveys which are always the same in spite of having titles like: "Jayne and Katee's Wicked Kewl Survey! FWDFWDFWD! U'll totaly learn sumthin new an interesting about ur pals!"
Only not.

Anyway: Gunned Down.


Jackie's Note:
Emily hits so many points here you'd think she was genius. hee hee. A good point being that no one really cares whether you're wearing "granny panties" or a thong. And it's true! Thongs are usually my preference, I find them more comfortable, but then again I've been wearing them for a few years. It's like a bra, you'll fuss over it for a week and then you won't even feel it anymore. And for the "granny panties aren't sexy, ew, my boyfriend will dump me" bit, oh shut up! If your boyfriend comments at all in a negative way because you've got plain cotton panties and all of his friend's girlfriend's wear hooker panties, he's a weenie and you should kick him out on his heinie as soon as possible. Because honestly, they all look the same on the floor. No seriously. I'm not kidding!