Snow White: Childhood Icon or Hitler Youth Mascot?

So I was watching a handful of old Disney flicks A) Because I'm kinda coming down with something, and B) We're doing Snow White as a play.
I am a tree/evil spirit. Whoot for costume changes!


Based on Dr. Merlin’s Litmus Test, where questions are answered or true/false statements verified and points are awarded.

I give you: Disney’s Snow White:

-A noun or adjective not normally used for a name (especially for human characters)[1]? Snow. White.
-Is the character's name in the title of the story or is the title otherwise a description of the character? (i.e. "The Girl Who Could Fly")[5] "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." (Note how the dwarves as individuals are not given equal billing.)
-Is the character the same gender as you?[1] Female. That’s undoubtably more than half the viewing audience. All the little boys went with their dads to see Transformers, or some similar manly movie where people, once dead, STAY THAT WAY.
-Is the character from the same racial group as you?[1] Caucasian. "Hello immigrants! Welcome to the USA, circa 1937! Please accept this bottle of hair dye and compact of pale white face powder. Don’t leave the house without applying ample amounts of both! This is America, we welcome everyone seeking the American Dream and place them lovingly into our homologous melting pot!"
-Is the character not subject to limitations normally put upon someone of this species?[4] Like, for instance, coming back to life after being dead and not eating or expelling waste for what one would assume is a LONG period of time, considering the dwarves took time to mourn AND build her a beautifully crafted etched glass and gold coffin.
-Is the character a teenager or in her/his early twenties?[1] Now personally, Snow White has all the form of an 11 year-old. No bosom. I repeat, no bosom. No matter how good and sweet she may be, the fact still remains that Snow White is 12, at the most, only a foot taller than the other dwarves. This, in fact, makes the Prince Charming a pedophile.
-Does the character look like s/he is a teenager or in her/his early twenties for no apparent reason[2]? Not really, no. Again, ELEVEN. Disregard.
-Is the character beautiful or roguishly handsome?[1] In Walt Disney’s mind, yes. Which raises questions about why he would build a garish amusement park, such as one would lure little children into one’s den of sin with. *cough*MichaelJackson*cough*
-Does one or more of the others find the character highly attractive?[1] Yes.
Do others see him/her as a threat because of this?[1] Helloooo? This is the angsty crux of the story!
-Does the character have really nice hair that you describe more than once, or on the first page?[1] God, the Magic Mirror practically moans orgasmically when he describes her hair "black as ebony."
-Is the character otherwise physically disabled? (anyone who says "She's so pretty that it's like a disability because everyone hates her or wants to have sex with her" will be summarily keelhauled)[subtract 2 pts] - No.
-Is the character no longer disabled at the end of the series, or else dead?[1] Well, technically she is dead, but she stays that way for all over five minutes.
-Is the character mentally disabled? (read: at the functional level of Forrest Gump or below)[subtract 2] Matter of opinion, but I’m gunna say yeah on this one.
-Was the character adopted or did he/she otherwise live with people who were not his/her parents as a child?[1] Apparently.
-Add points for each aspect seen somewhere during your character's life:
-abandoned by caregivers[1] Absentee father who married a psychotic bitch. Yes.
- born or forced into slavery[1] By psychotic bitch. Yes.
- born or raised in extreme poverty[1] See above. Yes.
- sole survivor of a calamity[2] Psychotic bitch-mother’s reign of terror and plot to murder her: yes.- physical abuse[2] Probably by psychotic bitch.
- sexual abuse by a caregiver[3] …Now if the psychotic bitch stepmother queen had an unresolved sexual attraction to her stepdaughter--besides being a lesbian/incestuous/pedophilic sex-sandwich that’d make Freud die of joy—it gives a whole new motivation behind her supposed "jealousy" of Snow White. Ew. And ew.
- rape[3] EW!- illegitimate birth[2] Perhaps. Note how few Disney heroines have solid mother-figures in their life.
- later parent of illegitimate child[1 pt each] She lived with 7 little men. Chances are she was preggo before she hit Prince Charming’s horse. So that’s 7 possible points for being a pre-teen ho bag.
- any other life experience inspired by V.C. Andrews[3] Oh, the boundless possibility.
-Does the character share your religious beliefs?[1] There is that one pointless scene where she prays to a window (which is what a lot of Disney characters do when praying,) so I’d assume so.
-Did the character have an unusual birth or unusual experience in early infancy? (i.e. abducted, placed in a basket and set afloat, visited by Three Weirdos, etc.)[1] Does her birth-mother (who undoubtedly would have treated her nicely and changed Snow White’s future,) dying count?
-Does the character have a very good singing voice?[2] As a matter of fact, no. But one must assume that it sold in 1937.
-Does the character have better taste in music than you do?[1] God no. There’s a yodeling sequence. Has anyone else noticed the dwarf’s tendency toward Germanic-looking folksy decorating? The faces carved on the wooden chairs, organ, and water pump come to mind, along with the instruments.
-Does the character do what you do for fun or profit?[1] I do clean my house, but Snow White really seems to get a bang out of doing the cottage, but I'm not even going to make that similarity a distinction. So what does Snow White do that I do? Slave for 7 little men and wait around for Prince Transvestite-in-an-unrecognizable-period-costume? Nope. Not really. Though I do envy her pretty coffin. Not that I want it for my personal use or anything.
-Is the character royalty of any type?[3] Yeah.
-Does everyone end up liking the character?[1] Of course. She’s Snow White.
-Does the character just "know things" for no apparent reason?[2] Kind of. Well, in the play we’re doing she guesses everyone’s names without any reference to what’s carved on beds or coat hooks. It’s like she’s precognizant or something. Then again, she’s completely clueless about the apple thing.
-Do animals (especially fuzzy ones) instinctively like the character?[2] It’s an integral part of the film.
-Does the story end with the character's wedding?[2] Yeah. It was the beginning of a cherished Disney animated feature tradition!
-Would you like to be friends with the character if you met in real life?[1] Nah. I’d probably give her a lollipop and send her off to clean my room. Or sell her into slavery to some trailer trash guy in a wifebeater.
-Do you introduce the character on the first page of the story?[2] Yes.
-In the first sentence?[1] Yes.
-Does the character save the day and/or another character's life?[3] Yeah. Though I’m not sure how.
-Through magical/mystical intervention?[1] First kiss bringing someone back to life: yes.
-Through dying? [3] Kind of. Again, death appears to be only semi-permanent.
-Through almost dying?[2] See above.
-Does everyone go into mourning?[1] Hell yes.
-Does s/he get not-dead by the end of the story?[4] Yeah.
-Will s/he get not-dead in the sequel?[4] I hope to God there is no sequel. Ever. Although some part of me remembers vague snatches of a cartoon where it was Snow White, but with longer hair and a (somewhat) better wardrobe going off with her fuzzy animal friends to rescure Prince Charming because he’d gotten himself into some kind of jam and managed to fuck it up to the point where he is absolutely helpless and useless. Think about it. All he has to do to "rescue" the Princess is get his mack on her while she lies senseless and inert. Although considering they believe she’s dead, having to muster up the courage to kiss a corpse must’ve been interesting. Although, like I said before, Snow White doesn’t seem to decay at the natural rate.

Now let’s add up the points.

0-14 Developed character, unlikely MS.
15-20 Borderline character. Characters in this range are potential MS's, who can go either way dependent on the author's skill.
21+ Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Proceed with greatest caution.
35+ Reconsider your character and plot. Please.

Snow White’s score: 83/170. Hm. Now because the Litmus Test was based on the Gargoyles fandom and written fanfic by the author making the test, obviously some questions were non-applicable seeing as Snow White is human, with no apparent magical powers aside from her angelic goodness, and I am not the creator of the movie or play. So I did a basic tally of how many questions were nullified by the Gargoyles thing, which was a difference of about 79 points. So it’s more realistically 83/91.

Snow White: The Original Mary-Sue, back when Mary Sue was cool for approcimatly five minutes.

In this movie, Boring Perfection whistles while she works, makes friends with the cute furry woodland animals, and wears a collar like one that would prevent my dog from biting its stitches. And as a side note, considering that with the dwarves' penchant for Germanic folksy crap and Snow White's name and personality tendancies and the whole emphasis on hard work and a simple country lifestyle, the whole thing smacks of Nazi Propaganda and the Aryan Myth. It was 1937, and Hitler was in a full upswing, almost at the height of his pre-war powers, which was a full 4 years before America even entered World War Two, which had pretty much been going strong and was ignored by the US since 1939 when things really took off for Germany and Chamberlain realized the appeasement policy was absolute crap and they were now to get their asses handed to them on a platter unless they did something drastic and elected Churchill.
Gaaaaaah.

Snow White: Gunned Down!