England and Holland: A Death Struggle?

Okay. Here's the deal. I just wasted the better portion of my day in or travelling between here and the branch office of the Netherland's citizenship office. We all got there, early this morning, and with all our documents, and are then informed, (contrary to the letter we'd received,) that my brother and I did not, in fact, have to be present at the time for verification of our identities. THAT happens after the forms are sent to the central office in T.O. to be verified, stamped or made into origami, whatever the hell they do with their time there, and sent back to the branch office. This is not the fault of Canada. It is (sadly) the fault of the Dutch inner workings of their government, as well as the fault of my Dad's company for forcing him to relinquish his citizenship years ago so he could get a job with them, but that's all water under the bridge I suppose. I'm not angry at my countrymen (Dutchies,) I'm just....disappointed. But I read a bunch of pamphlets while I was waiting and now know lots of interesting facts about the Netherlands regarding working visas for au pairs, drug policies, and the entire history of the Dutch Royal Family. Apparently cannabis is legal to be used but illegal to be in possession of. This point always confused me. How can you smoke it or otherwise consume it without possessing it? Do you set it in front of you an a table, and without touching it, lean close in and inhale deeply? If it's in your hand, it's your possession. Unless you stole it. But seeing as you're probably already in deep shit for possessing the said MJ, you might not wanna try and get yourself off the hook by professing to have stolen it. There were no pamphlets regarding the red light district, which, along with the drugs, is one of the two main reasons most people visit Holland today. Why include the drugs in the scope of tourist information and paraphanalia if you're not going to offer them paid-for sex as well? I wonder if it's included on the menu for hotel room service.
"Our Soup of the Day is clam chowder. Today's Specials include the Eggs Florentine, the clubhouse sandwich, the steak Oscar, and a lovely Australian dame known as Shelia Blydge! Dial the front desk to order."
Honestly I think I once saw a travel program where they had what I can only describe as a sex "vending machine." Think of little rooms, with one wall made of glass, stacked on top of each other. Like pigeon holes or mail-boxes at offices. In each room, a different woman, dancing around in skimpy clothing, with a number displayed at the bottom of the window or something, You dial up the number of the girl you want and you get her ASAP. Kinda sick, but fascinating. A vending machine for human flesh. (And you thought you'd seen it all when Disney came out with a cartoon entitled The Story of Menstruation.) No joke. http://www.snopes.com/disney/films/menses.htm
Well, in the past, Holland has given me much to be proud of. Prostitutes and liberal drug policies aside, I've always admired their sharp intellect as a nation, their refusal to back down internationally, even though lots of other countries around (read: Germany) could easily annex them within a month. Their spirit, vivacity, and undying support of their monarchs gives the Dutch a history to be proud of and a future to look forward to. Their Royal family show's England's Royal Family how it's done! (Disturbing thought: I have fairly equal portions of English and Dutch blood in my family. Inner battle, much?)
Holland: I am ashamed of your poor written communication skills which involved me wasting my day in a smoggy fartbag of a city. Call me a traitor, but I find droppies (dropjes?) appallingly bad and I cannot tolerate any kind of black licorace. And I'm not too crazy about tulips, either.
England: Your Royal Family is ridi-damn-diculous. You have extraordinarily bad teeth as a nation, Prince Charles has the ears of an oragutan, and the majority of the populace have faces akin to those of most equine animals.
Not sure who wins this one but...
Trixie--you go, girl! Show Lizzie how it's done!
(I know I know I just totally insulted the chick who's visage graces our currency. But she never spent nigh unto 11 hours making a journey that turned out to be all for naught.)

I almost wish I was a napping kind of person. *yawns* Too awake to sleep, too tired to do anything more than go watch Mean Girls again.