Time Capsule MSN Conversation

...I think this is over a year ago by now...
Thus it's safe to post. Back when Jackie was breaking up with Will and still mooning over BritAndy. She and BritAndy have since tried dating and broke up a long time ago. Oh teh drama!

Emily:
you know who I hate?
Jackie:
who?
Jackie:
make it quick though, I have math up the wazoo
Emily:
Citizen Kane.
Jackie:
haven't seen the movie yet, but want to
Emily:
We watched "the greatest movie ever made" in film class today.
Emily:
What a load of shit.
Emily:
All I could think leaving class was "What. An. Idiot."
Jackie:
Sars has an article about it
Emily:
And then, lookie, it's his ex-wife who left him who is oh-so-fallen-upon-hard-times because she is drinking rum in a dive empty nightclub with bags under her eyes.
Emily:
If that's all it takes to be miserable, somebody hand me a Percocet.
Emily:
I'm in a divey living facility, drinking rum with bags under my eyes.
Emily:
I see no difference
Emily:
and yet I don't bitch about my past every minute.
Jackie:
you're not drinking rum
Emily:
"Boo-hoo, I married the richest man in the world!"
Emily:
well, I was.
Jackie:
were not
Emily:
I am staring at the empty bottle of Bacardi right now, hon
Emily:
Salude.
Emily:
shit I have a midterm tomorrow
Jackie:
you're an alcy
Emily:
am not!
Jackie:
I'm tired and cold and boy-fused
Jackie:
similar to con-fused but more specific
Emily:
fused...to...a boy...?
Emily:
damn you, I nearly choked on my Mentos
Jackie:
you'll live
Emily:
only problem being that if I live I must take and therein fail my midterm tomorrow.
Jackie:
which class?
Emily:
*eyes the Mentos then begins to chew on one, inhaling deeply at the same time*
Emily:
Philosophy in Literature
Jackie:
ha!
Emily:
hush you, I'm trying to suicide here!
Jackie:
you won't fail
Jackie:
want to hear about my boy-fusion
Emily:
yes, because it's better than porn
Jackie:
... *sigh* sadly, you're right
Emily:
then again, a lot of things are
Jackie:
so the bf and I are splitsville
Emily:
awww
Jackie:
(porn is quite overrated from a girl's POV)
Emily:
well, not to sound cynical, but I never would have bet money on your guys anyways.
Emily:
no more than five bucks, anyway.
Jackie:
dude, now everyone says that
Jackie:
at the beginning it was "we knew you'd go out" and now it's "I knew you wouldn't last'
Jackie:
but it was a very amiable split
Emily:
well you don't wanna go up to the happy couple and be like "Dude, you are SO never going to make it!"
Emily:
well it can be both
Jackie:
I would
Emily:
like we knew that eventually you'd try each other on for size then come to the realization that it wasn't a perfect fit.
Emily:
Although that analogy could be taken in a dirty way, it's not
Emily:
Well, yes, I would too, for people I didn't really like
Emily:
but I like you guys
Emily:
and a little part of me wanted to see you guys make it
Jackie:
sadly, we did not
Emily:
mmhmm
Emily:
oh, geez, would you look at that? Your life is over and you're only 17. Woe.
Jackie:
I'm not taking it that hard
Emily:
neither am I
Jackie:
give me some credit. I instigated it
Emily:
the above was meant to be said in a dry monotone
Jackie:
seeing as you're psychic, you know what's coming next.
Emily:
friends again?
Emily:
with benefits on birthdays?
Jackie:
ew, no
Emily:
and more BritAndy angst?
Jackie:
:P you
Emily:
...translation...you love me so much you want to lick me?
Jackie:
kinda
Emily:
mkay
Jackie:
you taste like communal showers and rum
Emily:
they're not communal!
Emily:
...really...
Emily:
well, not completely, anyways
Emily:
there's locking doors and curtains and umpteen walls
Jackie:
ha
Emily:
all anyone can see is my feet and hairy ankles
Jackie:
hee
Emily:
hairy no more! I shaved!
Jackie:
huzzah!
Jackie:
anyway
Emily:
continue
Jackie:
it's not so much BritAndy angst
Emily:
btw, may I blog this? If I change the names?
Jackie:
oh hell yes
Jackie:
wait...
Emily:
?
Jackie:
I dunno if Will reads the blog
Emily:
yeah?
Emily:
so ask him
Jackie:
wouldn't *that* be fun
Jackie:
no
Jackie:
then he will
Emily:
but if you don't give him the URL and remove all traces of it from public profiles he may have access to...
Jackie:
he's read it before
Emily:
damnit. Then this is like the entry I did on Will's Closet of Love that never saw the light of day?
Jackie:
it's "what's Will gonna say when he finds out, because even though BritAndy and I are not even considering anything yet, it's going to happen, that's pretty inevitable, we're going to leave a seemly amount of time. Currently he's just wining and dining me. But still..."
Emily:
Curses. That one was a gem, too.
Jackie:
eww I don’t remember that.
Emily:
I thought he was coffeeing you
Jackie:
he's in midterms, kinda busy
Jackie:
think about it, you probably see him on campus.
Emily:
. . . maybe he's held a door open for me somewhere...
Emily:
wouldn't that be weird
Emily:
now I need to know where he lives
Jackie:
not on campus
Emily:
still.
Jackie:
creepy
Jackie:
I don't even know exactly where he lives
Emily:
okay
Jackie:
Polish Girl turned out bitchier than we imagined
Emily:
Aren't they always?
Emily:
She's Polish...they are so unassuming, until they foist their sausage upon you!
Emily:
And then it's nothing but a one-way ticket to Acid-Reflux City!
Jackie:
Said she had no time for a boyfriend. And then got one and was showing him pics of new guy (who apparently looks like a pirate!)
Jackie:
a week later.
Jackie:
I think we need a "relationship recovery and tackiness" record book
Emily:
...kind of like a guide to teenage romance?
Jackie:
haha mmhm
Emily:
Oh my god, even as a parody, people would totally buy that
Jackie:
I know
Emily:
I think it should be a serious effort. With diagrams.
Jackie:
mmhm
Jackie:
and flow charts
Emily:
we need to start plotting out chapters and such
Emily:
there's so much to cover
Jackie:
"see him flirting with other girl?

yes - progress to phase 5 (begging for him back to reestablish feelings that you may exploit)

no - proceed to phase nine (flirting with his best friend)
Emily:
ohhhh yowza
Emily:
so is it a guide to relationship revenge or teenage relations in general?
Jackie:
no idea
Emily:
and is it meant to be taken seriously, or as a cynical parody that will make little boys everywhere call us dykes?
Jackie:
I don't know
Jackie:
you're over-thinking this
Emily:
I over-think everything.
Emily:
This you know by now.
Jackie:
Tom Cruise knocked the girl up
Emily:
I'm not having sex, I need some output for my intellectual energy.
Emily:
Haha! I know!
Emily:
Poor bastard.
Jackie:
... sex doesn't involve intellectual energy
Jackie:
bastard being cruise or bastard being child born out of wedlock?
Emily:
I was referring to the kid.
Emily:
And they're probably going to give Kal-El Coppola Cage and Apple Martin a run for their money in the Shitty Celebrity Child Names Department
Jackie:
Please let them name it L. Ron Hubbard Thetan Holmes Mapother Scientologist Goofball Dorkus Malorkus Cruise.
Jackie:
- Redhead Papers
Emily:
Love.
Jackie:
http://erindailey.typepad.com/the_redhead_papers/
Emily:
Okay, so call me paranoid, but I think I've been seeing a lot of signs of the apocalypse lately.
Emily:
Including or not including the TomKat litter.
Jackie:
what *are* the signs of the apocalypse?
Emily:
These freaky-ass weather patterns and earthquakes everywhere alluvasudden
Emily:
and tsunamis
Emily:
people dying in mass amounts
Emily:
in a short space of time
Emily:
Right now St. Peter's doing crowd control at the Pearlies, and he's close to losing it.
Jackie:
haha
Jackie:
Adult Toy and Video Store (Fun shopping for couples!)
Thousands of erotic items at fantastic prices. Discreet shipping.
gah
Emily:
bwaaaaah I have a mid term tomorrow and it's 8:30!
Emily:
WHAT?
Emily:
heh.
Emily:
I found the funniest site BTW
Jackie:
discreet shipping
Emily:
it's the Kama Sutra online with animated pictures
Jackie:
as opposed to all those other places that write "ADULT TOYS" on the boxers
Jackie:
oooh
Emily:
the little pixel people are barely touching
Jackie:
hee
Emily:
hahaha
Emily:
get some of that shit delivered to your cubicle at work
Jackie:
or... someone else's
Emily:
your boss's office, even
Emily:
or in the Colonel's instance, drop a dildo in the deep-fryer.
Emily:
Or cover it in ice-cream.
Emily:
Then lick it off in full view of some horrified group of "Happy 6th Birthday Leon!" Party
Jackie:
it'd melt
Jackie:
leon?
Jackie:
blog this.
Emily:
Change the names?
Emily:
because it's all or nothing
Emily:
I mean, it's not like you to be this...covert.
Emily:
Who are we trying to spare here?
Jackie:
no blog the adult discreet shipping part
Jackie:
we can blog the rest later when all settles down
Emily:
mmk so I'm saving all of it
Jackie:
and if you still have that "will's closet of love" thing I wanna read it. I don't remember it at all
Emily:
will blog it later when I'm done midterm